Thursday, November 12, 2015

Winter Storm Warning...How To Make Sure You Are Stocked Appropriatly (Re-Post)

So us East Coasters are supposed to get hit with a Snowmageddon II tonight...yep we like to name our weather events all kinds of awesome names.  This means one of two things, either we will be trapped in our homes for the next three weeks...or it will all be gone by 5am.  Of course just the mention of snow sends my fellow East Coasters into panic mode and they all go racing for the stores to stock up on bread, milk and crackers.  I bet you anything if I walked into any local grocery store those shelves would be completely empty and there would be a line of frantic angry people freaking out 'cause they need to get all their bread, milk and crackers home before the snow 9 hours.  YEAH!  All kidding aside though it is important to be prepared, so I started my preparations yesterday by going to the most important store when it comes to storm stocking, that's right folks my local Barnes and Nobles.  Lucky for me they also knew a storm was coming and had all the books I wanted just waiting for me to pluck of the bank account maybe not so prepared :-)  Here is my all important list for getting through most major weather events.
1) Books!  This is the most important item on the list because they are useful in so many ways.  You can of course read them, you can get survival tips from them, you can build and igloo out of them, you can use them as a way to spell out HELP or SOS so the helicopters can find you, you can use them as weapons, you can use them as a reward or punishment in the post apocalyptic society that will naturally come about after three days stuck in the same house as that stupid person (people) over there!  Things you may not do with your books no matter what the emergency or you will go straight to book-less hell where the only entertainment available to you will be Keeping Up with the Kardashions and Tiger Beat.  You must never burn your books no matter how cold you think you are, you must not use them to build a raft, even if you think you can see land, you must never never never never leave them behind, they are your children and must be taken care of.

2) Coffee, so much coffee, lots and lots of coffee. Coffee is a miracle substance, it keeps you warm, alert, and contains most homicidal urges.  Coffee can be brewed, iced, rewarmed, added to, or just eaten straight from the bag/bin/tun it comes in.  Coffee makes you feel full so even if food is scarce you will survive, coffee cures almost all ills so no one in your group will every fall prey to stupid little diseases, coffee will revive the dead...just ask my Hubbin any given morning.  Make sure you have enough coffee for everybody in your group, about a pound a day per person should be enough...unless there is a super bookworm in your bunch, then you had better double it.  Make sure everybody consumes their full ration every hour, no matter what and you will survive.

3) Duct Tape-Need I say more?

4) Mad-Libs, this easy simple hilarious game can keep ANYBODY entertained for hours and hours and hours.  You can do a zillion variations, make up rules, themes and all kinds of fun stuff.  You can reuse them, play them by yourself, play with others, build a society around them.  If you have Mad-Libs you may survive this hellish ordeal with some of your sanity intact.

5) A sense of humor.  For some reason even the most prepared person seems to forget to pack their sense of humor.  Stuff if gonna go wrong, toilets are going to stop working, the laptop will lose it's charge, and the roads will be impassable the day you finally agree to watch your baby nephew...Deal with it!  A sense of humor will not only make life bearable for your fellow trapees, but for yourself as well. A well prepared sense of humor will make you the hero of any weather related disaster.

I hope this list serves you well as you hunker down for Snowmaicemonsterwindsofdoomageddon II!  I will be at the fire station answering the calls of the poor trapped souls in need of my crew and our magic ambulance, rescuing people who seem to close their eyes and drive if you even mention snow, and join into the never ending snowball fight that we have going between calls at the station.  I was not kidding however on stocking up on books yesterday and will be bringing them all to the station for in case we get stuck their (along with extra socks, you always need extra socks). I hope everybody has enough books to survive.  Happy Reading Everybody!
PS In all seriousness, please try and keep a path to your door for emergency crews should you need their help, it will make it safer for everybody, including the patient.  If you know a neighbor is house bound, or sick, or has a newborn baby, show some of that awesome Olympic spirit that has been going around and clear a path to their door.  Mark your fire hydrants and keep your address visible hopefully you won't ever have to see me, but if you do we will both be glad that the prep work was done.  Stay Safe!

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