A Dance With Dragons And Dwarves And Daggers

Yay, boo, yay, boo, that is my feeling on finishing A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin, book #5 in A Song of Ice and Fire series.  Yay 'cause I finally got to catch up and know what everybody else knows, boo 'cause now I have to wait for a zillion years with everybody else for the next book to come out.  At over 1500 pages this was another long read, but went by much quicker then A Feast for Crows, but still not as awesome as the first three books.  I will try and sum up per character as best I can then ramble for a while, you ready?  Great, then as always SPOILERS AHEAD.

Since the book jumps all over the place I will sum it up per main character and try and fill in the rest the best I can.

Jon Snow/At the Wall-Our buddy Jon is continuing to try and hold the Night Watch together under horrible conditions.  Stannis Baratheon has brought his red priestess Melisandre (the amount of people being burned death has increased 1000x in this book because of her) and his army to help fight the wildlings and then decided to stay.  Jon struggles with maintaining his neutrality as the Commander of the Night Watch. Stannis takes most of his army and leaves to try and reclaim Winterfell from Roose Bolton and his bastard son Ramsey.  To this end Jon makes a deal with the wildlings and allows them to all come in from the North above the wall and make a home in the area's surrounding the Wall.  This horrifies the Stannis's Queen Selyse who is stuck at the Wall as well.  Melisandre continues to try and win Jon to her side, telling him the things she see's in the flames.  A note comes for Jon from Ramsey telling him that he has crushed Stannis and his army and has wed Arya Stark.  Jon decides to break his oath and ride to rescue Arya.  This does not sit well with the already disgruntled Night Watch and the book ends with Jon being stabbed multiple times.

Theon/Winterfell-Theon, who has been reduced to a fragile, broken, tortured soul is called Reek by Ramsey Bolton, the bastard son of Roose Bolton who has claimed Winterfell for himself.  Theon is cleaned up and use to help marry Ramsey to Arya Stark to try and legitimatize his claim to Winterfell.  Of course the girl Ramsey is marrying is not Arya, but Sansa's little friend Jayne.  Both Jayne and Theon are afraid of what would happen if anybody found out she is not Arya so they play along.  Much chaos ensues and Theon is enlisted to help spirit "Arya" away.  Theon is successful at the cost of the rest of his companions and Roose and Ramsey slaughter Stannis and his army who have been severely weakened by the oncoming winter.

Bran-Bran has traveled with Meera and Jojen in the company of a strange man, who appears to be one of the undead.  Bran has learned to inhabit the mind of most living things, using his new skill to ride with the slow witted Hodor or his direwolf Summer.  The three children end up under the mountains in the company of the Children of the Forest, long thought to be extinct.  They inform Bran that he is able to become a seer like entity, becoming one with the earth, animals and the weir trees.  Bran then learns to "ride" the weir trees and is able to see through various points in time.

Daenerys/Slaver's Bay-Our girl Dany has made a name for herself by freeing the slaves of Meereen (remember that about a thousand books ago?).  She is now the Queen of Meereen and is trying her hardest to keep the peace and settle the city before she takes of to conquer the Seven Kingdoms.  This is proving difficult as pretty much nobody wants her there.  She is beset upon by all the surrounding cities who just want slavery reestablished, and from within the city itself.  This is compounded by the fact that her dragons have graduated from eating sheep, to eating children and a bloody flux that is killing everybody regardless of what side they are on. Dany is forced to cage her white and green dragons to prevent further killings, but her biggest dragon the black Drogo escapes.  To try and keep the peace, and make things safe for her freed slaves, Dany agrees to marry Hizdahr zo Loraq a noble of Meereen as a concession to the nobles there.  As a wedding gift Dany reopens the fighting pits.  Hizdahr zo Loraq brings along a feast for Dany and her retinue, resulting in the poisoning of Strong Belwas one of her body guards 

when he ate all the honey locust meant for Dany.  During the fighting Drogo flies in and kills a whole bunch of people.  Dany then hops aboard and flies off, leaving the city of Meereen in chaos.

Tyrion-Oh my how I have missed my witty little man, he is by far my favorite character in this series and to go a whole long book without him sucked.  He is back with a vengeance, on the run after killing his father he makes his way to the Pentos where he is assisted by Illyrio, the same man who helped Daenerys and Viserion.  Tyrion is let in on a plan to bring Daenerys back to Westeros and assume the Iron Throne.  At this point Tyrion is on board with any plan that disposes his sister the Queen Regent Cersei.  He ends up on a boat with a group that turns out to include a young Aegon, who was just an infant when Robert Baratheon led his uprising and was supposedly killed by Tywin Lannister.  Turns out they were able to switch him out with a low born infant and was smuggled of by a knight loyal to the Prince Rhaegar until his death.  Tyrion is all ready to help Aegon until he is kidnapped by Jorah Mormont to take back as a gift to Queen Dany to prove his loyalty.  Along the way they hook up with Penny, a simple dwarf girl who performed with her brother at the then still alive King Joffery's wedding.  Her brother had been beheaded as a result of Tyrion's escape leaving Penny alone with her dog and pig.  The motley crew are then captured by slavers, the result being Tyrion (known as Yollo) being forced to do a comic act with Penny, jousting from the back of the pig and dog (I cannot wait to see this on the TV show).  Eventually our friend talks his way to not only his freedom, but the freedom of Penny and Jorah as well.  Meanwhile Aegon, his loyal night and a couple of companies of sell swords have landed in the Seven Kingdoms to begin their conquest.

 Cersei/Kings Landing-Queen Cersei is still imprisoned by the High Septon on charges of fornication and treason.  The Queen finally realizes the only way to see her son again is to confess at least to the lesser charges of fornication.  She does and her punishment is to walk shorn and naked from the sept, through the city to the castle.  She does this, humiliated and broken, but able to be with her son again.  She has been humbled, but her spark is still there.  As for the charges of treason, she is able to request a trial by combat, with a giant, unknown man as her champion.  She is allowed to dwell in the castle with her son until the trial is complete. Margery Tyrell has thrown herself on the mercy of the church and will have a trial by faith.  Cersei's Uncle Kevan is now essentially running the show, trying to maintain peace and balance as well as he can.  The book ends with him being stabbed by Vary's as he is told that all the secret council wants to do is maintain peace, and Aegon and Dany are the best hope they have of that.

We also get quick glimpses of Jamie, Arya, Davos, Brienne, the Martells in Dorne, Asha, Victorion and about a zillion other quick characters.  Some live, some die, some are left up in the air.

Okay that was a long synopsis and that did not even cover hardly any of the book, but again the book was 1500+ pages so we will leave it at that.  I have mixed feelings about this latest installment.  On one hand compared to the snoozefest of the A Feast for Crows this one actually had some action to it, on the other hand compared to the first three books  it is still overly blah.  I think these last two books suffer from too much detail.  The author describes in detail EVERY SINGLE THING.  If a lord walks into a room with his nine courtiers, all 9 of them get described in as much detail as the main guy...and then we never hear about any of them again.  I am all for adding bits of detail to round out a world, but after 5 books all clocking in at the 1000+ page range, I don't need to know what everybody was wearing.  The author also does a lot of redescribing, I got the first three times he told us that Jayne has brown eyes not grey like Arya, but every

single time she is mentioned, so are her eyes, it is just overkill. This especially happens with places, I know what the Wall looks like, I have known what the Wall looks like since it was so well described in book one, unless something changes  don't need to spend 3 pages at the beginning of each chapter the Wall is in being described to me.  I know this sounds petty, but I am pretty sure we could loose at least 300 pages if this was edited out a bit.  I don't know if I am just getting jaded, or I am nit-picking, or what, but these books are starting to get repetitive. A king/queen arises, they join the fight, sometimes they stick around, sometimes they get killed, minor lords are either super loyal or super evil and stuff happens accordingly, lather, rinse, repeat.  I guess I am just read for this epic story to go somewhere.  Now on to the things I really enjoyed.  Tyrion, every word of his story makes me smile.  His perspective is so different from most of the others, his attitude and the way he deals with things is refreshing.  Making him a slave for a little while and getting him out of Kings Landing just made me happy.  I still love Arya's story now that it has taken her to Braavos and am glad that she got a couple of chapters.  Reminding us that the overthrowing of the Targaryens is super recent and that a good chunk of the population was not only alive when it happened, but actively participated in it is so different and awesome when compared to most stories where it is if not ancient history, at least a couple of generations have passed. My favorite reveal in this book is the existence of Aegon, with Dany I thought we had our Targaryen faction, but this adding a legitimate contender for the blood line that can either be a rival or an ally for Dany is kind of exciting.  I am excited to see where we go from here as far as the story goes, this book did a lot to sweep away a lot of the little petty factions, and set the tone for a Targaryen comeback, if that actually happens we will have to see.  I hope these last two books concentrate on wrapping the story up, not everything has to be resolved, I just want it to quit dragging.  Hopefully the next book will be out before I forget what I have read in these five books.  I give this book 6 out of 10 Pretty Pigs.

Who is your favorite character in this series?  What do want to see happen?  Do you ever edit books in your head as you read them? Are you like me and very glad to have the e-format for giant books like this?