Bar Tales

Hola Readers!  Rambling time!!!  Let's see...hmmm...I have a huge stack of books here to ramble about...Let's go with After Hours: Tales From the Ur-Bar  edited by Joshua Palmer and Patricia Bray.  This is an awesome little collection of stories centered around a bar run by the legendary Gilgamesh and is set in many times and places.  All of the stories are pretty cool, but here are just a couple of my favorites.

An Alewife in Kish by Benjamin Tate - This is the first story in the collection and tells the tale of how the previous proprietor of this magical eternal bar essentially tricks Gilgamesh into taking over for her.  In this story we learn the rules, which is essentially the proprietor is immortal, but may never set foot outside of the bar unless he/she can convince somebody else to willingly take over.  We also learn that the bar shifts around as time marches on, appearing in various places in various incantations...which sets up the rest of the collection beautifully.

Why The Vikings Had No Bars by S.C. Butler - Vikings rock!  Vikings who get introduced to liquor fight.  Vikings who get introduced to liquor and then messed with by one of their gods just makes for a great bloody story.  This early entry into the collection was just fun and bloody and perfectly Viking in every way.

The Tavern Fire by D.B. Jackson - Tiller is a simple man who earns his food by buying and selling stuff he can gather from the townsfolk.  He stops by the Brazen Head Tavern where Miss Jackson is uncommonly kind to him.  Turns out she wants information about Janna, who works at Gil's bar (which is called the Fat Spider in this story).  Tiller goes to Gil's bar and is given food and drink.  Miss Jackson comes in to try and get Janna to cast a spell to bring a married man to fall in love with her.  Janna refuses and Miss Jackson  threatens to expose her as a witch.  Gil offers a spell instead.  This results in the man coming to Miss Jackson, but his wife follows and it is implied that she sets the tavern on fire...solid story.

The Alchemy of Alcohol by Seana McGuire - This is probably my favorite story in this collection.  It combines the world of fae, science, cooking, potion making AND includes two very yummy drink recipes.  The Summer King brings The Winter Queen to be woken early so she can help battle her obnoxious sister.  Furniture, drinks and magic fly in this fabulous story.

Forbidden by Avery Shade -  A woman from the future comes to the present to collect genetic samples.  She comes from a place where individuality and extremes have been eliminated leading to a bland and safe existence.  With the help of a chat with Gil and some experience in the bar she decides to stay and live a full...if possibly unsafe life.

I really enjoyed all the variety this collection had to offer.  I also like the common thread running through them all, kind of like reading a complete story with little tales tucked inside.  I am now going to join my friends for a drink and create our own stories.  I give this collection 7 out of 10 magic elixirs and recommend it to anybody who likes a great ale tale.  Happy Reading Everybody!

Literary Libations

One of my favorite things about the holidays is the abundance of alcohol and the excuse to drink it...I mean the love and family and spirits...I mean spirit of love...and drinks :-)  Here are some cool literary drink ideas from the book Tequila Mockingbird by Tim Federle (which if anybody feels like getting me will not be refused).

A Midsummers Night Dream

A Midsummer Night’s Beam

Take two parts Ren Faire and one part Greek mythology, add a liberal dash of forest-dwelling nymphs, and you’ve got Shakespeare’s whimsical meditation on love and lunacy. An amateur might toast this oft-produced play with two melatonin and a gulp of cough syrup, but Lord, only a foolish mortal would try that – this is a dream, not a blackout. You’ll want to stay upright, if drowsily so, for a light, vegetation-heavy drink that will keep you skimmin all five acts before a proper fairy-blessed slumber. You might just wake up in love.

8 sprigs fresh mint

1/1 ounce lime juice

2 teaspoons granulated sugar

2 ounces bourbon

1 (12-ounce) can club soda

Muddle the mint, lime juice and sugar in a highball glass. add ice and bourbon and fill to the top with the club soda. Sip to your imagination’s content 0 stopping only if you shadow begins to speak.

Sherlock Holmes

The Adventures of Sherbert Holmes

Pro-tip: “Elementary, my dear Watson” was never exactly spoken by Sherlock Holmes. Conan Doyle’s beloved sleuth appeared on the big screen saying that phrase, but not on the page; he was too busy being the only detective who could crack a case from the comfort of his arm chair. We take a tip from a lesser-known story that appeared alongside twelve others in a blazingly popular magazine series: raise a glass ti “The Blue Carbuncle.” a Holmes whodunnit involving a goose with a very expensive gem lodged very inconveniently in its neck. After you trade jewels for berries, the only remaining mystery will be why you’ve never made this party pleaser before.

(Makes 10 drinks)

1 quart sherbet

1 bottle (about 3 cups) Champagne, chilled

1 litre ginger ale 

1/2 cup fresh blueberries, washed, for garnish

Empty the sherbet into a punch bowl and pour the Champagne and ginger ale on top. Float the blueberries and serve. Don’t leave the room for long – you’ll return to a fast-empty bowl and a classic whodrunkit.

The Picture of Dorian Gray

The Pitcher of Dorian Grey Goose

Boy, did this book have it all: knife fights, magic paintings and (spoiler alert!) people who never age. Wilde wasn’t just ahead of the cosmetic surgery boom here – he also pushed the envelope on homoeroticism, resulting in widespread censorship in later versions of the book. Try getting your hands on the juicy early copies for Dorian, and then gather a group of ageing beauty queens (or simply ageing queens), who’ll be guaranteed to love our hedonistic youth serum. Just keep them away from your expensive art.

(Makes 10 drinks)

10 sprigs fresh mint,

1 (12-ounce) can frozen lemonade concentrate

2 cups vodka

Cucumber, sliced into wheels for garnish  

Tear the mint, then place in the pitcher. Add the lemonade concentrate and stir until thawed. Pour in the vodka and three cups cold water and stir. Serve over ice, garnish with the cucumber wheels, and remember: age before beauty – if anyone will fess up.

These are just a couple of the awesome and literary puntastic drinks in this nifty little book.  I really really want it for my kitchen bookshelf (yes I even have bookshelves in my kitchen) to put with my other food related books...or book related food stuff...or whatever.  Send me your favorite literary libations and as always Happy Reading Everybody!